


tell me your desires; i'll tell you a secret

by soneet (FioreLaurant)



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, M/M, Pining, i tried.doc, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 23:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14963970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FioreLaurant/pseuds/soneet
Summary: ichiru hates wanting. he hates wanting to spend more time with tsubasa and its bothering him more now that he realizes, he may possibly have a crush on okui tsubasa.





	tell me your desires; i'll tell you a secret

**Author's Note:**

> \- im sorry if they end up being ooc i might edit this later lol  
> \- also i love tsubaichi/tsubachiru a lot pls yell at me @tadanorei at twitter bc im desperate and i want to make new friends who like tsukipro rarepairs

Ichiru loves everything that came with his and Issei’s becoming idols: the work, the people, the family that came with it(he can’t thank Shu enough), the music, the various places they get to visit and perform at, and most importantly the lessons. Though lately he’s come to dread attending dance lessons because of the undesirable entity they call Okui Tsubasa.

Ichiru doesn’t hate him. He never wishes anything bad to befall Tsubasa; he’s not that cruel. “Tsubasa’s just so damn annoying,” is what he says when Issei asks him about it. Even to his twin brother, he can’t bring himself to be honest about it.

Tsubasa’s flashy, arrogant, self-centered, a flirt and he probably grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth; but he’s also talented, good looking(“I didn’t say that!”), charismatic… Basically, he’s everything Ichiru can only aim to be. And Ichiru won’t ever admit it to anyone, but he’s just a little jealous. It’s why Ichiru can’t spend fifteen seconds in the same room as the older man. Is this how one’s supposed to feel about their rival?

He doesn’t hate Tsubasa, but he does hate wanting.

He hates wanting to become someone like Tsubasa someday: as an idol(not as a person of course, because Ichiru knows he’s a lot better than him in that area); to be able to charm the audience with a single wink, to be more approachable to others, to be more in control of his emotions, to make people listen to his voice, to touch lives with his chosen craft, to have a presence in this industry.

He hates wanting to watch Tsubasa every time they have joint activities with SolidS, like photoshoots and live performances. Eichi’s told him that observing is one way to learn and he hates how he needs to have to watch that guy who claims to be their senpai do what Ichiru needs to be able to do by himself. (Wait, so does he have to do such embarrassing poses too…?)

He hates wanting to spend more time with Tsubasa just to observe him, possibly share manga with every now and then(Tsubasa owns the entire collection of a shoujo series he’s been following, but they always fly off the shelves too quickly for him to own copies for himself). And maybe he likes the food Tsubasa suggests to them through Eichi…

What he hates most is being touched. Only Issei’s allowed to have physical contact with him, but Tsubasa seems to think it’s always okay for to just put Ichiru in a half headlock. Or is it a half hug? Ugh, whatever it's called, he thinks it’s annoying. Tsubasa’s entire existence is annoying.

Sometime in the second year of residing at the dorm, Ichiru finds it odd that he’s getting used to it, to Tsubasa and him always grabbing the younger teen by the shoulders. Somewhere along the way he finds its easier to just go with it. It’s bothering him to no end.

Ichiru hates wanting. He hates wanting to spend more time with Tsubasa and its bothering him more now that he realizes, he may possibly have a crush on Okui Tsubasa.

His hostility towards the person in question is more of a defense mechanism for Ichiru, especially since he doesn’t want to acknowledge these feelings at all and let Tsubasa have the satisfaction of shattering his heart into a billion pieces later on because there’s no way Tsubasa could ever return his feelings. He could even be grossed out if he finds out that someone like Ichiru likes him.

But those thoughts don’t stop him from accepting all of Tsubasa’s invitations to hang out and Ichiru may accept that it’s better this way. To keep pining and to keep his feelings to himself.

Except Issei’s a keen observer and he asks Ichiru about it again, what he thinks of Tsubasa, after Issei catches him watching longingly from backstage at a joint concert. Ichiru’s stubborn, he tries to put up a front and yet his façade always crumbles in front of Issei. And that’s when he finally admits it to his twin, to himself. Oh. He really likes Tsubasa.

“You should tell him,” Issei says one day when he sees Ichiru staring at a poster of SolidS in the dressing room.

Ichiru knows Issei means well, but confessing is something he’d never do. He doesn’t want their relationship to change. He’s perfectly content with the way circumstances are. At the very least, Ichiru doesn’t want to lose the would-be friendship he has with the blond man. It doesn’t help that Tsubasa seems to be touching him more. His arm stays on Ichiru’s shoulders way too long and Ichiru’s face is just a few inches away from his collarbone…

Ah but, what if Tsubasa’s already found out about Ichiru’s feelings and he’s just teasing Ichiru for the fun of it?

No, even Ichiru doesn’t want to misjudge him, Tsubasa wouldn’t be that mean… would he? If anything, Ichiru thinks Tsubasa would be more upfront about it. If he knew then he’d have told Ichiru to fuck off way before it got to this point. To the point where there’s this weird pounding in Ichiru’s chest every time he sees Tsubasa; to the point where he can’t breathe every time his skin touches Tsubasa’s.

 

 

“I think you’re really cute Ichiru~” Tsubasa says in their next photoshoot together and he's being unfair, and he doesn't even realize it.

Well then, if Tsubasa's going to tease him like this then Ichiru's just going to have to blow him away. He manages a pose the photographer described as enticing and from the corner of his eye, Ichiru notices Tsubasa covering his face. Later on Issei tells him "Tsubasa-san was blushing earlier after you held that pose." Issei would never lie to him, even about something this silly.

Ichiru doesn't want to assume anything, but perhaps...

It's just wishful thinking.

These feelings, they're getting more difficult to bear with each passing day...

 

They don't compare to when Ichiru has to debut a new solo song that Shu wrote for him. He's gotten used to performing, but it's never not nerve wracking when he has to go onstage by himself. Issei's voice with that song is elegant, incredible and every adjective in between, and he doesn't know how he'll follow up to that.

Shu catches him hyperventilating and with just a few words with that soothing deep voice he calms down. Issei comes back and tells him that everyone’s waiting. With a pat on a back, Ichiru feels that it'll be okay. Ichiru will be okay.  With newfound confidence he takes a deep breath and walks to the stage, but someone calls out to him before he can step out.

"Hey Ichiru."

Ichiru's heart skips a beat against his better judgement when he recognizes that voice. He turns and sees Tsubasa grinning at him and Ichiru has to resist blushing. Instead he tries to muster up the most indignant look he can pull towards Tsubasa. "What?"

"You'll do great out there!"

Ichiru wants a full refund of his feelings if he messes up onstage because of Tsubasa.

  
  


He doesn't mess up and the loudest cheer he hears isn't from the audience; it's backstage when he finishes his song.

"I told ya you'd do great!" Tsubasa says triumphantly at him with the same grin he gave Ichiru before.

Ichiru feels his heart beating uncontrollably again. "Of course I did!" He winces at his own outburst and he shakes his head as he backtracks. “Ugh, I mean…” Ichiru sighs and bids his heart to still. The frown on his lips slowly turn upward and its probably the brightest smile Ichiru gave anyone that evening. "Thanks."

 

 

“Dai-san told me that Tsubasa-san’s face was red the entire time he came back to the dressing room,” Issei tells him when they board the bus to go back to the dorm.

Ichiru’s brows furrow and he tilts his head to the side. “Why would that be?”

“Because you’re cute,” Issei responds as-a-matter-of-factly.

The younger twin sputters and he’s glad he hasn’t taken a sip of the water bottle he just uncapped or he’d die choking(and Ichiru thinks that’s an embarrassing way to die, so not today shinigami-san). “What are you talking about?”

Issei smiles and it’s a knowing smile and it’s something Ichiru can’t wrap his head around despite knowing everything about his twin.

Ichiru pouts and he butts his head affectionately under Issei’s chin as he leans toward his brother. “You’re getting really crafty with your deception lately and I don’t like it.”

“I love you a lot,” Issei says simply, his fingers gently combing through Ichiru’s hair.

“I know. I love you more though.”

  


Some days after the concert is a rare day where his free time and Tsubasa’s free time coincide and he hears from Eichi that Tsubasa asked if he wanted to catch a movie with him.

At the same time, Issei’s out on a job making Ichiru unable to seek counsel from the older twin. He can’t possibly ask Eichi for an opinion especially since Ichiru hasn’t told anybody else about his crush. He wants to decide against it, but maybe if someone else went along… Ichiru contacts the blond man to ask if he can bring another friend and Tsubasa doesn’t seem to mind.

However…

“So, it’s just the two of us huh?”

Ichiru smirks at the statement and he tries to look as nonchalant as possible. “Y-yeah, n-not that it’s a problem right?”

“No! Not at all, I don’t mind being alone. Let’s go, I bought the tickets already!” He says almost too cheerfully.

Tsubasa doesn’t give him time to complain as he grabs Ichiru by the wrist to take him along.

The lights inside the theater dim and the movie starts and Ichiru expects explosions or fast cars running on the screen, but instead everything’s rose colored and happy and Ichiru can’t even begin to describe what, _wait, is this a romcom?_

He notes in the catalogue of adjectives he attributes to Okui Tsubasa, that this guy is a sappy moron who thinks Ichiru could enjoy this type of genre where the plot’s predictable and that he’s absolutely right because when they exit the theater, Ichiru trying to wipe the grin off his own face(and he’s not gonna tell Tsubasa he liked it).

Out in the sun is where Ichiru finally sees the entirety of Tsubasa’s outfit: they’re not his usual stylish ones, but Ichiru thinks he still stands out and it's the hat he’s wearing that prevents him from being recognized by fans. Ichiru wears his hat mostly to keep the sunlight off his eyes and he considers it a miracle when just one person even recognizes him.

“Is there something on my face?” Tsubasa asks when he catches Ichiru staring.

Ichiru sputters and he shakes his head. “No, uh… I was just surprised that you’re being lowkey today.”,

“Thanks for noticing~ that’s because I didn’t want to draw the attention of others and I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable on our day off.”

Huh. Tsubasa being considerate is a concept Ichiru has yet to grasp. “Thanks… I guess.”

 

 

The rest of the day, unexpectedly, goes smoothly without anyone stopping them while walking around.

Sitting across Tsubasa in a restaurant, he opens the menu to make it look like he knows what he’s doing and Ichiru doesn’t really know what to order so he just hides his face behind it as he recounts the events that took place:

(1)They watched a movie,

(2)had a nice quiet stroll around the park,

(3)Tsubasa bought him some ice cream,

(4)Tsubasa asked to be fed ice cream(to which Ichiru refused of course),

(5)Ichiru let Tsubasa have a bite anyway so he could have a taste,

and currently (6)Ichiru sitting at a restaurant across Tsubasa.

This almost feels like… a date? Not that Ichiru would have any experience in that area, but aren’t those what people normally do with, dare Ichiru say it, friends?? From a third person’s perspective, they would fit the ‘friends’ classification,  just hanging out and doing menial activities together and possibly even enjoy the other’s company. And then Ichiru remembers the events that transpired in the movie they watched.

The couple onscreen did some things similar to what’s happening now, i.e. watch a movie, feed each other and eat at a restaurant then there’s the inevitable confession and the predictable kiss at the end of the date.

Ichiru isn’t hoping that would happen, not at all. This day is just him and Tsubasa hanging out, as friends. Right. He needs to stop deluding himself because it’s just not gonna happen.

His thought process is broken and he jumps when Tsubasa inquires “Are you okay? You kinda spaced out there.”

Ichiru remembers they’re in public and he can’t make a scene. “Y-yeah, I’m fine! I’m just hungry I guess!” Not anymore he isn’t since he’s scared he might blurt out something he might regret later on. He lets Tsubasa order food for him and he asks to pay half the bill because he doesn’t like owing people.

And Tsubasa swipes the check off the waiter’s hand before Ichiru can see it and instead offers this proposition: “How about, you let me pay now and promise me that we’ll have another outing like this.”

Ichiru stares at him incredulously. “Like this…? Just, the two of us?” He feels his face go warm and he opens his mouth again to speak, but Tsubasa cuts him off.

“Yeah! It’s nice every once in a while, isn’t it?”

Ichiru squeezes his eyes shut and he’s pinching his leg to make sure he’s actually awake and not just dreaming all of this up. When he realizes that this is actually transpiring and that Tsubasa’s in front of him waiting for an answer, he clears his throat and replies with a small smile “It is. I would like that, very much.”

  


It’s dark when they start walking back to the dorm. Tsubasa tells Ichiru that Eichi and Shu probably wouldn’t like it if he made Ichiru stay out with him too late. Ichiru knows they mean well and they don’t mean to be overbearing… but Tsubasa’s right. Ichiru isn’t as used to the big city as he thought he’d be by now.

“It feels weird,” he states vaguely as they walk, keeping a fair amount of distance between them.

“What is?”

“Agreeing with you on several things on one day.”

Tsubasa chuckles and feigns hurt. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ichiru smiles and keeps his eyes forward as he tries to match Tsubasa’s strides. He expected the other to keep talking like his usual chatty self, but he goes quiet and it’s so unnerving  Ichiru has to keep glancing up at him to make sure he isn’t left behind.

He forgets how to breathe when he feels something brush against his hand. He looks down to see Tsubasa’s hand slip into his own before the blond slips both their hands into his coat pocket.

“Your hand’s cold.”

It’s not.

But Ichiru doesn’t make any moves to remove his hand and just hopes Tsubasa doesn’t feel the pulse on his wrist because his heart is beating like he’d ran a marathon. He’s trying to keep his wits together as they enter the building and Tsubasa still hasn’t let go of his hand and he wants to die.

He takes it all back; Tsubasa is cruel.

“Can you stop teasing me already,” comes out more of a statement with contempt instead of a question as they enter the elevator. Ichiru pulls his hand away and his face is so hot he’s fighting the urge to cry.

“What are you saying--”

“Bullshit. You know about my feelings for you, don’t you?” Ichiru may as well make Tsubasa hate him now to make it less painful.

“Feelings… for me? Wait, you like me?” Tsubasa asks and Ichiru doesn’t like the tone he’s using.

“Shit, I…” _Oh god, there’s no turning back now..._ “I like you!”

There. He finally said it. Tsubasa’s just staring at him, _why can’t Tsubasa just say that he’s grossed out that another guy likes him._

He doesn’t realize he said that out loud and he’s breathing unevenly again, he needs air so he tries to escape as soon as the elevator opens and he bumps into someone. Ichiru doesn’t stop to apologize and he tries to run, but he’s grabbed backwards and he can’t tell if its Tsubasa or the other person and right now he just really needs to get away.

“Ichiru can’t you just listen to what I have to say first?!” Tsubasa pulls Ichiru to make him face the blond man and Ichiru can’t bring himself to look at his face.

“Shut up, let me go! Just tell me you hate me already!” He yells again and Tsubasa grabs both his shoulders this time.

“You… Why do you always assume the worst first!”

Ichiru finally looks up and he sees the hurt in Tsubasa’s eyes. “Huh…?”

He hears Tsubasa groan and Ichiru wants to push Tsubasa away again, especially after the taller man’s forehead touches his. “You wanna know a secret?”

Ichiru’s eyes scan his face confusedly looking for an answer and he just nods dumbly when he can’t read Tsubasa’s expression.

“I like you too, dummy.”

Ichiru stares. “What.”

“Geez, I thought it’d have been obvious by the way I grabbed your hand earlier.”

He can’t think of how to respond to that because he’s still trying to make sense of what Tsubasa just said to him. Tsubasa, likes him…?

“Yes, I like you a lot!” Tsubasa laughs a little and tilts up Ichiru’s chin gently with his fingers.

Ichiru startles, ah damn, he said that out loud again…

“Will you go out with me? I mean, I probably need Shu and Eichi’s permission for that…”

The next thing Ichiru does surprises even himself, but his eyes slip shut as he pulls Tsubasa down by the collar to slot their lips together. He feels Tsubasa respond in kind, humming and tilting his head to a more comfortable position.

“That’s a yes then?” Tsubasa whispers when they part.

“Shut up,” Ichiru huffs trying to contain his joy. “Do I have to spell it out for you?”

“I won’t know if you don’t tell me clearly~”

Ichiru pouts and he wants to kiss Tsubasa again to keep him quiet. He bites his lower lip and closes his eyes tightly. “Yes, I’ll go out with you!”

Tsubasa hugs him and Ichiru can’t imagine being anywhere else at that exact moment.

  


**おまけ**

  


“Wow, I just witnessed something amazing.”

Ichiru blinks and he pales when he lifts his head to see the person he colidded into earlier was Mamoru. “Uh… Mamoru...san, I’m sorry for bumping into you, but how long have you been standing there…?”

“The entire time!” He replies cheerfully. “Oh don’t worry I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to!”

Tsubasa laughs nervously. “Th-thanks Mamoru. We’ll, uh, make it up to you! 

“No need~”

 

On their next official date, Tsubasa and Ichiru buy a potted plant for Mamoru.

  


**Author's Note:**

> \- im sorry if i dont reply to comments much but i appreciate all of them from the bottom of my heart  
> \- thanks for stopping by
> 
> edit: - i almost forgot to mention, the concert bit here was taken from the nemuru oogarasu short story and it's a good insight into ichiru's thoughts. you can read it on [ryota's tumblr](https://tmblr.co/Z4Y8ac2YUOFJg) and i am always so grateful for their translations


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